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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082998">to love you</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateezsimp/pseuds/ateezsimp'>ateezsimp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>ATEEZ (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Romance, Angst with a Happy Ending, Coming Out, Crying, Cute Ending, Eventual Romance, First Love, Forbidden, Happy Ending, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Love at First Sight, M/M, Secrets, Soulmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 04:08:24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,195</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25082998</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ateezsimp/pseuds/ateezsimp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>- mingi/hongjoong one shot -</p><p>in which mingi is hopelessly in love with hongjoong but hongjoong is confused and doesn’t seem to share the same feelings. </p><p>or so mingi thinks.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Kim Hongjoong/Song Mingi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to love you</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hello!! &lt;3 </p><p>this oneshot is basically suitable for all audiences!! no 18+ content, just a whole lotta angst and feels, BUT with a happy ending because i do not like to break my own heart lol</p><p>this one shot is also posted on my wattpad @ softtaekookie so if u see this on there, don’t worry it’s me!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was a Tuesday. </p><p>Meaning rather than the usual 3 hours of practice, today it was bumped up to a total of 5. The members didn't know why every Tuesday their practice was extended an extra two hours but they never dared question it. They would show up and put their all into it which always left them panting &amp; drenched in sweat, but they didn't mind. For them it was a blessing, no matter how tired they got, how many hours they had to practice on end, they were thankful for the opportunity to do what they had dreamed of for years. All the members seemed to be full of energy from the very start and eager to practice, except for one, and that was Mingi. From the very beginning of their practice to the complete end he seemed to be struggling and kept falling behind which was a bit of a shock to the others considering Mingi rarely fell behind when it came to practicing their choreography. Mingi was stumbling over his feet, missing the correct counts, and even accidentally bumped into San at one point which caused a bit of a domino effect, sending each of the members bumping into each other. </p><p>Hongjoong felt someone bump into him roughly from behind sending him forwards and that had seemed to be the final straw for him.</p><p>He let out a breath of air before stopping in the middle of the choreo and walking over to turn the music off. Mingi could feel himself tense up, as he knew what was coming. He figured it was only a matter of time before one of them got angry and confronted him for his lack of skills during today's practice. The rest of the members all just stood around awkwardly softly panting and eyeing each other unsure of what was going to happen, an obvious tense atmosphere taking over the once lighthearted dance studio. "Mingi. What the hell is going on with you?" Hongjoong finally snapped. He stood up with his arms out in the air with his eyes wide and a vein threatening to burst out of his neck. Despite being the shortest member of Ateez, all of the members seemed to be afraid of their leader when he was angry. They knew he was not a cold hearted person, and would never willingly hurt any of them. But they also knew he had a short temper and you did not want to mess with him when his temper was running short because once he blew up, it was chaos. </p><p>"I'm sorry. I'm just stressed.. I have a lot on my mind and I can't focus." Mingi said quietly trying to avoid the smaller's intense and angry gaze. No one dared to interject and save Mingi from the upcoming storm, they all just stood breathlessly and awkwardly unsure of how to ease the situation. Hongjoong let out a slight scoff and Mingi would be lying if he said it didn't absolutely tear him apart. Mingi was aware he was very sensitive and he knew he had to try to grow thicker skin, but it was so difficult for him. He couldn't help being so sensitive, it's just how he was and he felt terrible because he knew it would drive the other members insane. Mingi knew they all felt like they were walking on eggshells whenever they were near him when he was upset because the smallest comment, roll of eyes, of scoff would send him to tears. He'd overheard them complain once behind his back but he never confronted them about it. He just left it and promised himself he wasn't going to be such a pest to the other members. Mingi tried to brush it off and not cry right there and then in front of them all, not when they all had so much practice to do. He mumbled a small apology to Hongjoong and within a few minutes, they were all back to practising. </p><p>Mingi had tried his best to stay focused and not make any more mistakes, he really did. But he was flustered and embarrassed for all his precious mistakes, and no matter how hard he tried to keep it together he just kept repeating them over and over again. Hongjoong, angry once again called a quick 5 minute water break before basically storming out of the dance studio, the door slamming behind him. The room fell silent, the only sound being heard was the ragged breaths and sound of chugging water. Mingi grabbed his water and walked off to the corner to try to calm himself and his nerves. He had to keep reminding himself to get it together, and fast. He didn't want to draw anymore attention to himself, he knew that the others know something was up but wouldn't question him. He felt a soft hand on his back and turned to meet Yunho's worrisome eyes looking at him like he was the most fragile piece of glass. "Are you okay Mingi?" Yunho asked softly. </p><p>And just like that, Mingi fell apart. His eyes teared up, his vision blurring and before he could stop himself his lip was trembling and his salty tears were endlessly running down his face. Yunho's eyes widened in shock and worry as he looked towards the other members hoping they would notice and come to his rescue. Luckily, they did. They all stopped their small chit chat and walked over starring at Mingi with even more worrisome eyes as he continued to cry softly, wiping at his face with his sleeve. "I'm sorry." He cried out quietly. </p><p>"Don't be, its okay, really. It's just been a rough practice today but we only have 45 minutes left, do you think you can keep going?" Seonghwa said softly rubbing at Mingi's back and wiping his tears away. Mingi, still in tears just nodded his head and Seonghwa gave him a soft smile in return. "That's a good boy." He joked petting the tall boys head which did manage to make Mingi smile for a moment before he began to cry softly again. </p><p>"We've all had our rough practices, so don't worry about it. We just wanna make sure you're okay. Do you want to talk about what's going on with you today at all? You don't have to of course but if you want to, we're all ears." San kindly said to a still crying Mingi. Mingi sniffled lightly before running his hand through his hair, he was unsure of how to explain himself. Deep down he knew what was happening and why he was feeling so off but he didn't want the others to know, to have to explain to them how he was feeling. The thought was just too humiliating. So he did what he thought he did best, he lied. </p><p>"I think I'm just tired." Mingi lied looking down at his feet, the humiliation of crying in front of them finally starting to sink in. </p><p>"Just tired?" Mingi heard an annoyed voice enter the room and he immediately felt himself stiffen for what felt like the millionth time today. "You think you're just tired?" Hongjoong scoffed walking closer towards the others. "We're all tired Mingi. Every single one of us. What the hell did you do during your break anyways cause you obviously didn't rest as you were supposed to. If you're tired, suck it up for the sake of all of us. We don't have time to slack off. We all had our chance to blow off steam, and relax but it's now time to work. So please, get it together and let's get back to it." Hongjoong said sternly, his eyes cold and piercing through Mingi like a sharp sword. If Hongjoong's words didn't cut him, Mingi was sure his cold gaze surely did. He was at a loss for words. All he could do, was cry. And that just pissed Hongjoong off even more. </p><p>"Mingi do you do anything other than fucking cry?" He said his voice rising and that was it for Mingi. He grabbed his sweater, and phone before running out of the practice room in pure shame and humiliation. </p><p>"Way to go. That's some way to treat the one person in this room who absolutely adores you." Wooyoung said rolling his eyes not caring he was being disrespectful to Hongjoong who was his elder and leader. Wooyoung was about to walk off and find Mingi before he heard Hongjoong let out a dark chuckle. Wooyoung knew he should've ignored it and just walked away to find Mingi but it didn't sit right with him the way Hongjoong laughed as if he didn't just make their Mingi cry. Their Mingi who loved all the members with all his heart, who would sneak into their beds and cuddle, who would stay up all night to comfort any of them when needed when they fell ill or were upset. The Mingi who stayed up for a whole night preparing and planning Hongjoong's surprise birthday last year. Mingi may have looked tough and intimidating on the outside but everyone knew that Mingi truly was a complete innocent softie. He was like a child, a very tall soft sensitive child but with an absolute heart of gold. Even Hongjoong knew he was being unnecessarily tough on Mingi, and it did hurt him immensely to make Mingi cry but he was so sleep deprived, so stressed himself that he couldn't stop himself from losing it on the poor boy. He felt confused and frustrated and he couldn't bare to tell the other members why, so he just shoved it all down but today all those feelings seemed to be bubbling up and he accidentally let them spill out on the person causing him so much stress and confusion in the first place. </p><p>Hongjoong felt conflicted about a certain incident that occurred two weeks ago. And he also felt like his members didn't take him seriously as their leader, and that hurt him. So his conclusion was to be more tough and just block it all out. He figured if he couldn't earn their respect, he had to take it by force. And as much as it hurt him to be tough on Mingi, he felt it was somewhat necessary for the both of them to move on from what happened two weeks ago. He didn't want to confuse the poor boy or give him false hope, or maybe he just didn't want to confuse himself. If Hongjoong was being entirely honest with himself, he enjoyed the events that unfolded last time but deep in his gut he couldn't for the life of him understand why. He felt like he was betraying the other group members so he decided on acting as if nothing happened, perhaps taking it a too far when he was taking his frustration out on poor Mingi. For a fleeting moment it occurred to him that maybe this wasn't a good idea. He could feel the tense energy in the room, see all the other members with a scared and worrisome facial expression plastered on their faces and he realized for a moment, he was in the wrong. He was about to apologize and volunteer to go find Mingi but Wooyoung had already snapped, and all previous thoughts of apologizing vanished into thin air.</p><p>"You should never have been chosen as our leader." Wooyoung spat out. Hearing that stung, and burned Hongjoong and to him it felt like pure venom in the form of words. The other members all shushed Wooyoung and advised him to calm down so they could all look for Mingi. Jongho awkwardly patted at Hongjoong's back hoping he didn't take the comment to heart. Eventually they all disappeared after Mingi to go find him, the only one being left behind was Hongjoong. He just stood there for a few minutes and it wasn't until he felt droplets rolling down his chin when he realized he was indeed crying. He felt guilty, and incredibly small and useless for not only letting down his team members but also the one person who he desperately wanted nothing more than to hug right now. </p><p>Meanwhile 5 other members were all frantically looking for Mingi and it wasn't long before one of them found him on the empty third floor in a corner, still crying. "Oh Mingi." Yeosang said softly before texting all the members to let them know he'd found him. He shoved his phone in his pocket and rushed over to Mingi moving the hair away from his eyes and wiping away at his tears. He then sat beside Mingi and let the tall boy lean his head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." Mingi whispered softly. </p><p>"Don't be. It's been a rough day for you." Yeosang assured him grabbing his large hand and holding it. He knew Mingi loved holding hands, so he hoped by holding his hand it would cheer him up a little. Mingi held onto Yeosang's hand, resting his head on the smaller's shoulder. The air fell silent for a few moments, the only thing being heard was their light breathing and Mingi's light sniffles. It didn't take long for the others to find the two sitting down. "Ah, there you guys are." Wooyoung said, the last one to find them. He walked over towards Mingi and ruffling his hair softly before holding out a hand to help him up. They all tried their best to assure Mingi that he had nothing to be sorry for, that they  all understood he was just having an off day as well as hinting that Hongjoong seemed to also be having an off day. </p><p>"Lets go home okay? I'll make us some dinner." Seonghwa said with a warm smile and Mingi couldn't help but smile back softly. Seonghwa walked alongside Mingi and soothingly rubbed at his back in hopes of calming him enough to face Hongjoong. After all, they had to share the same ride home and all face each other in their dorms anyways. Mingi's heart was racing, and his hands were extremely sweaty. He felt bad for Yeosang who was still kind enough to hold his hand on their walk back to the main floor. Mingi was nervous to face Hongjoong, he didn't want to piss him off again and get scolded. He hated that he angered him so much and he desperately wished he could be perfect in the eyes of Hongjoong but no matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't seem to get it together. </p><p>Even if it was just once, he wanted Hongjoong to look at him like he was perfect. Beautiful, even. He didn't care, he just craved for Hongjoong to finally see him. Not the Mingi that everyone else sees, but the Mingi that is hopelessly &amp; secretly in love with Kim Hongjoong. </p><p>Mingi just wanted someone to love him. To really genuinely love him. He would prefer it to be Hongjoong of course but for the longest time he thought it was not possible. He figured if Hongjoong ever found out about his feelings, he would get kicked out of their group and that enough was able to keep Mingi's mouth shut and never dare confess. He could dream, and wish all he wanted but the reality of the situation was that him and Hongjoong were never going to happen and he just had to accept that. Everything seemed to be going well and for a short while Mingi thought he could really pull this off. His feelings were pushed down so far over and over again, it seemed merely impossible to fish them out again. </p><p>But it wasn't impossible and one fateful night was all it took for Mingi to begin to crumble. </p><p>Two weeks prior to today's events, all the members were able to have a short five day break and during this short break many of them went back home for a few days. Hongjoong was the only one who decided to stay back at the dorms since his parents were on vacation. According to him it seemed pointless to visit the house when he'd be all alone. Mingi was to take a bus and visit home but according to him there was an issue with the bussing schedule (in reality, he just missed his bus) meaning he had to stay back at the dorms for an extra night alone with Hongjoong. Mingi truly didn't think anything of it, and wasn't worried in the slightest because any possible situations of Hongjoong sharing the same feelings as him were not even a mere thought or fantasy in his brain. To him, it was ridiculous so he never lingered on the thought of it. It hurt him too much. Hongjoong had set off to the studio for a while as he usually did to work on his music and lyric writing leaving Mingi behind to eat dinner alone and basically just bum around the dorm. All his stuff for his mini trip home was all packed and ready for the following afternoon so he figured he could use the rest of the day to catch up on his anime's.</p><p>Later on at about 10 pm, Hongjoong had finally come home from the studio. "Oh, you're back early." Mingi said with his eyes focused on the anime playing in front of him. He was comfortably seated on the couch with a soda can to the left of him on the mini table and a large bowl of potato chips on his lap. Hongjoong couldn't help but chuckle at the younger boy's wide curious eyes plastered onto the tv completely immersed in whatever he was watching. "Yeah, I figured I'd come back a little earlier to hang out with you." Hongjoong said truthfully taking his jacket and shoes off before walking towards Mingi and sitting next to him on the couch grabbing a few chips and eating them. Mingi offered the bowl of chips to Hongjoong which made the older smile in admiration. "Oh, do you want me to get you a soda? You know what. I'm gonna grab you a soda." Mingi said smiling, handing over the bowl of chips and heading towards the kitchen. As he walked off, Hongjoong couldn't help but stare at the tall boy and smile softly to himself. Mingi was always so kind and seemed to always put Hongjoong's needs before his very own. He liked to think he had a great relationship with all of the members but something about Mingi just stood out to him. Their connection and friendship just seemed different from the others, and he couldn't quite pin point why. As Mingi returned with a soda, Hongjoong was still deep in thought and it wasn't until Mingi laid his head on Hongjoong's lap that he broke out of it. Hongjoong just chuckled and patted Mingi's head softly as he always did with the others when they laid on his lap. He couldn't help but shake that this felt different somehow though, and although Mingi may not have sensed anything, Hongjoong surely did. </p><p>The two stayed like that for an hour before Mingi began to feel sleepy. He let out a yawn and then sat up properly letting out yet another yawn. "Tired?" Hongjoong asked softly as he himself also was starting to feel his eyelids getting heavier. Mingi nodded his head softly and rubbed at his eyes. Hongjoong turned off the tv and cleaned up their mess, tidying up the kitchen a bit as well before walking over to the couch where Mingi had fallen asleep. He shook him lightly in attempt to wake him which just earned him a soft groan in return. "You have to sleep in your bed Mingi. Sleeping on this couch will just hurt your back more." Hongjoong said softly and without thinking he reached over and brushed a bit of the hair out of Mingi's eyes. Hongjoong felt his face warm up at the random gesture, he'd never done that to anyone before but yet it felt so natural with Mingi. "Hongjoong?" Mingi asked softly, his eyes opening softly.</p><p>"Yes?" Hongjoong replied looking right into the others puppy like eyes. Mingi sat up and his eyes were fixated on his lap as if he was struggling with what he was about to say next. "Could I.. sleep in your room tonight? I'm not used to sleeping in my room alone cause Jongho is always there too.." Mingi asked softly feeling embarrassed for being probably one of the only 20 year old men still afraid to sleep in a room alone. The room fell silent and Mingi immediately regretted asking. His face flushed a deep shade of red and he couldn't shake the feeling of humiliation for having asked such a thing. Mingi and Hongjoong had never shared a room before so to him it made sense why Hongjoong wouldn't want to. 'Umm." Hongjoong said awkwardly finally breaking the silence. He didn't understand why the thought of him and Mingi sharing a room for the night made his heart beat so fast, but it did. Hongjoong's heart was beating so hard, it felt as if it would pop out of his chest. </p><p>"It's okay. You don't have to say anything, I understand. Sorry if I made you uncomfortable." Mingi said softly before giving the older a soft smile and then heading towards his shared bedroom. Hongjoong sighed softly running his hand through his hair before getting up and heading towards his own shared bedroom. He changed into some pajama bottoms and threw on an old shirt he usually slept in. As he laid in bed tossing and turning, he couldn't shake the guilty feeling of leaving Mingi like that. He knew Mingi was afraid of many things but he didn't know he couldn't even sleep in his room alone. He kept wondering how he was doing, if he'd fallen asleep yet or if he was still awake in fear. The thought of Mingi being up the whole night in fear was enough to snap Hongjoong out of whatever protective bubble he was in. He got up and headed towards the door at the end of the small hallway. He hesitated for a moment before knocking lightly. </p><p>Silence. </p><p>He tried again and knocked with a bit more force. He heard a bit of shuffling before the door opened revealing a shirtless Mingi. "Do you still want to sleep in my room?" Hongjoong sighed rubbing at the back of his neck. Mingi just stood straight slightly towering over Hongjoong and bit his lip nervously. "Not if it makes you uncomfortable or anything." Mingi replied softly and even though he was much bigger than Hongjoong, he somehow seemed so much smaller. It was like his big body and child like personality didn't quite match, and Hongjoong always found it to be the cutest thing ever. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable Mingi." Hongjoong lied but he knew Mingi could see right through him. He sighed before shutting his eyes, unsure of how to say what he was about to say. "It's not you, okay? I just... I'm weird. I've only ever shared a room with Seonghwa so it does feel a little strange to share a room with someone who's not... him? But I want to try. I want you to sleep in my room Mingi, really." Hongjoong said truthfully. </p><p>"Okay. I'll gladly sleep in your room cause I'm definitely still scared to sleep in my room alone." Mingi said chuckling lightly and Hongjoong couldn't help but let out a chuckle as well. Mingi grabbed his phone and charger before walking back with Hongjoong. Hongjoong got into his bed as Mingi awkwardly stood over Seonghwa's empty bed. "Hey Hongjoong?" Mingi asked shyly. Hongjoong simply hummed in response, his gaze glued to his phone. "Will you promise to defend me when Seonghwa yells at me for sleeping in his bed?" Mingi asked seriously and Hongjoong couldn't help but let out a string of laughter. Mingi truly was just like a little baby in the form of a 6 foot man. "Don't laugh at me! I'm serious." Mingi pouted which just made Hongjoong laugh more setting his phone down and looking directly at Mingi. </p><p>"He's not going to yell at you Mingi. He's very aware of how much a big baby you are so if you kindly explain to him, he won't be upset if you sleep in his bed one time." Hongjoong bugged at Mingi. He went back to his phone turning on his side and scrolling through this phone for a few minutes before he felt the other side of his bed dip. He paused and turned to see Mingi laying down beside him, pulling the covers up to his chest. "Mingi. What are you doing?" He asked confusedly. Mingi just turned to face him while burying his body more under the warm covers. "I'm going to sleep." He responded matter or factly and Hongjoong couldn't help but roll his eyes sarcastically. "Yes. I see that. But why are you going to sleep in my bed and not Seonghwa's?" Hongjoong asked the tall boy. Mingi just stayed silent for a moment. </p><p>"Can't you just pretend to like laying down next to me... just this one time. We both know it'll never happen again anyways. Just let me feel safe &amp; loved for tonight." Mingi said aloud softly, so softly that Hongjoong almost didn't hear him. Hongjoong just laid there starring at Mingi who had turned to lay down the opposite direction so he was face to face with Mingi's back. Hongjoong was shocked at the words that left Mingi's mouth. Mingi said it so softly, Hongjoong felt slightly guilty for overhearing it as he wasn't sure if he was supposed to hear that or not. Hongjoong's heartbeat was thumping loudly in his chest &amp; he felt his face flush at the thought of Mingi being able to hear it and somehow sense his nervousness. Hongjoong eventually spoke up, trying to sound as calm as possible without his voice wavering. "Mingi. Is something wrong?" Hongjoong finally asked. Mingi sighed lightly before turning to face Hongjoong, their faces and bodies very close to each other's. The two starred into each other's eyes in complete silence for a moment before Mingi sat up. Hongjoong followed, sitting up and looking at Mingi with worry and curiosity written all over his face. </p><p>"I'm going to try something." Mingi said softly. "And I need you to promise me that you won't hate me for it." Mingi said his voice shaky. Hongjoong could tell Mingi was extremely nervous and whatever he was about to do was going to take all of his courage. </p><p>"I could never hate you." Hongjoong said softly. </p><p>And that single sentence, those simple five words itself were enough to give Mingi the last drop of courage he needed to finally do what he's dreamt of for years. Without hesitation, without any time to think, he leaned in and kissed Hongjoong softly. Hongjoong froze immediately, completely caught off guard. Never in his life would he have seen this coming. The kiss only lasted a few seconds and when Mingi pulled away, his face was evidently a deep shade of red and so was Hongjoong's. Hongjoong was so confused, he couldn't seem to form words. He was shocked at how quick the kiss was, and even more shocked at how much he wanted the kiss to last longer. He's never felt this way before, it was so strange to him. He didn't understood what any of this meant, what this would mean for him and Mingi, for their group. He couldn't just pretend it never happened because it did, and he knew his heart would never let him forget it. "Why... why did you do that?" Hongjoong finally asked, his voice came out colder and darker than expected not only catching Mingi off guard but himself as well. </p><p>"I couldn't pretend anymore." Mingi confessed his eyes beginning to water. Hongjoong just sat still starring down at his hands. "I think you should sleep in your own room tonight after all." Hongjoong said in seriousness. Mingi didn't even hesitate. He simply got up, grabbed his phone and walked out to go sleep in his room. Surprisingly enough Mingi was able to fall asleep in his bed after crying for an hour straight. When Hongjoong woke up the next morning, Mingi was gone without a word and the two didn't contact each other at all throughout the break unlike the others who were texting each other on the daily. Because of those events, the tension between the two was very strong. All Mingi could think about during today's practice was how stupid he felt, and he couldn't shake off the feeling that Hongjoong was disgusted with him. That thought alone, was enough to break Mingi's heart. He didn't regret kissing Hongjoong because to him, no matter the reaction whether it was good or bad, he would at least feel satisfied with himself for trying. He truly couldn't lie to himself anymore. He was hopelessly in love with Hongjoong. </p><p>As all the members neared the practice room, Mingi could feel his heartbeat thumping loudly in his chest. He truly didn't know what to expect and he was very scared. As they all approached the door Mingi took a deep breath before opening it and walking in. He was expecting to be met with a serious Hongjoong starring at all of them with tired and frustrated eyes but the room was empty. "Hongjoong?" Yunho called out as he walked into the room. "Wait guys, his stuff is gone." Yunho mentioned and when all the others turned to see their pile of bags, shoes and the rack of their coats, they indeed noticed all of Hongjoong's belongings were nowhere to be seen. "That's probably my fault." Wooyoung said guilt laced in his voice. Mingi turned to him curiously before asking him why it would be his fault. Wooyoung sighed before telling Mingi the awful words he'd said to Hongjoong earlier while in a rage. </p><p>"You said what?" Mingi said horrified. "You told him he never should've been chosen as our leader? Why would you say that?" Mingi said, his heart clenching at the thought of Hongjoong being told such an awful thing. Wooyoung explained he was in a rage and he felt very sorry for saying it. He assured everyone he was going to apologize to Hongjoong immediately and would never say such a thing again. Even Wooyoung himself knew the awful words were a flat out lie. Hongjoong was the best leader they could ever ask for. He'd done so much for them, practically raising them as they all grew older and more into adulthood. All the members loved Hongjoong dearly, of course they'd have their arguments like today but they were a family. What families didn't fight? </p><p>They all grabbed their stuff and left the dance studio to head back to the dorms to see Hongjoong. Mingi had texted him and Hongjoong had said he took an Uber home instead of waiting. All the members got into their shared vehicle and as they made their way back to the dorms, Mingi couldn't help but wonder how Hongjoong felt. Regardless of their situation, he truly felt for Hongjoong because he knew how the older struggled with feeling like he was doing enough for his members. Mingi always tried his hardest to assure Hongjoong he was doing more than enough, and that he was the best leader Ateez could ever ask for. Hongjoong appreciated it immensely and although he would never say it, at this exact moment as he was all alone in his room, he desperately wished for one of Mingi's comforting hugs and kind words. Within twenty minutes and all the members arrived back at their dorms. The air and atmosphere felt thick with nerves and tension. Mingi had asked if all the members could go to their rooms for a moment, and begged Seonghwa to go into one of the others rooms so he could have a sit down private chat with Hongjoong. They were all curious as to why Mingi wanted to be alone with him, they would've thought he didn't want to be alone after today's events but they respected his wishes and promised him if he needed them, all he had to do was call for them. </p><p>Mingi nervously walked towards Hongjoong's &amp; Seonghwa's shared bedroom before knocking on the door. He heard Hongjoong meekly say "come in" so he did. The moment he opened the door and stepped in slowly, Hongjoong felt himself tense up. "Can I talk to you?" Mingi asked shyly. Hongjoong nodded his head so Mingi shut the door before walking a little closer to Hongjoong who was seated on the bed, but he still tried to keep his space. The last thing Mingi wanted was to make Hongjoong uncomfortable, again. "I wanted to apologize to you for today. I was a mess and I know there's no excuse for it. I know how hard all of our members work, including you so I'm sorry I wasn't able to keep up. I promise it won't happen again. I'm going to work harder, so that nothing like today ever happens again. I just.. I wanted you to know that." Mingi said softly. </p><p>"Don't do that." Hongjoong said quietly, avoiding Mingi's deep gaze. "Please don't apologize when you did nothing wrong. It's me who should be apologizing Mingi." Hongjoong said tears pooling in his eyes. Within seconds, a few tears were rolling down his cheeks and Mingi's eyes widened in horror. He had never ever in all these few years of knowing Hongjoong, seen him cry. To see him cry tore Mingi apart and shredded his heart into pieces. "I was so mean to you today, there's no excuse for how I treated you. I knew exactly why you were so stressed and couldn't focus today. I know because I was feeling the same way as you Mingi." Hongjoong said looking up into Mingi's eyes finally. "After you kissed me last time... I couldn't stop thinking about it. At first I was horrified, and then I was confused because for some odd reason, I wanted you to do it again. The whole time all of you were away with your families and I was stuck here alone, I couldn't help but feel stressed and confused about what was going on. What this would mean for us, for our group? I can't lie to you and say I didn't enjoy it Mingi, because I did. I really really did. But I also can't blindly accept your feelings and forget that I have a responsibility here as not only your leader but as your friend, who cares deeply about you. I'm just conflicted. I've never had feelings for anyone like this... let alone another guy who happens to be one of my best friends. It's been a lot for me to process and I never should've taken it out on you. I'm sorry Mingi, I'm really really sorry." Hongjoong said in tears and although every fibre in Mingi's being was telling him to stay put, his heart had a mind of its own. </p><p>Mingi walked over engulfing Hongjoong in a hug. Hongjoong clutched onto Mingi's large frame as he cried softly into his chest. "Hongjoong." Mingi said quietly and the smaller boy simply looked up. "If you don't want me to ever kiss you again and keep my distance, I'm okay with that. I mean, yeah it'll hurt but if it's what you want than I'll do it. I'd do anything for you, really. You're my best friend." Mingi said softly as he caressed Hongjoong's cheek. Hongjoong just starred up at Mingi observing his features. Like his pretty eyes that always seemed to sparkle when he smiled, his pretty plump lips, his sharp nose &amp; the beautiful mole on his cheek. Hongjoong realized right there and then that he didn't want Mingi to keep a distance, he didn't want to be just best friends. He wanted more, he needed it. He didn't want to spend his life wondering "What if I had accepted my feelings for Mingi? What if we did end up together? What would have our life been like?" because that sounded like a lifelong of misery that would eat at him forever. "What are you thinking about?" Mingi asked softly his large hands running through Hongjoong's soft hair. </p><p>"I'm thinking about you." Hongjoong replied truthfully. "And how much I'd regret not spending my life loving you, and you loving me." He said before reaching up and kissing Mingi. Mingi could feel fireworks going off inside him. This is what he's wanted and dreamt of for as long as he could remember, it was nice that he didn't have to wait for it in his dreams any longer. Because right now in this moment, in this lifetime, Hongjoong loved him. </p><p>And he loved Hongjoong back.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hope you enjoyed!! maybe I’ll do a part 2 in the future or a mini series, who knows lol!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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